Deceptive Apperances

Bitter Truth

Reality may be bitter but it should be accepted. I have created this post to get in touch with my own reality. I wish to come clean and get it all out there. There are numerous occasions when we show only our best to the world so we can be accepted and appreciated. But what about the demons that lurk within us that we are either too proud or too shy to admit. The evil in us makes us forget that we even have such horrible monsters attached to our bed waking with us every morning and sleeping beside us at night. They never quite leave us. Instead they cling to us like the roots to a tree.

I am just a pseudo writer trying to make a mark in the world and attempting to regain my lost dignity. The world has stripped me off of my innocence and beauty making me just another one of those stereotypical people. What am I all about? I even don’t know. I wish to find out the inner complexities of my dark mind that thinks one thing and does another. I also come under the definition of a hypocrite who falls with disgrace every time she pretends to love or loathe. This blog will be treated as a personal psychological diary.

What is truth by your definition? Is it what you have been taught by your parents or your school or is it something that you have just created for your own self by exploring in to the world of the unknown.One can either fall with vanity or fly with utmost grace in the pursuit of finding the truth. Time teaches us to look beyond the boundaries of existence and come up with reasonable and possible explanations of the experiences which we have encountered throughout our life. But we are never left satisfied. We barely feel we belong in the system. If we think we do we are possibly mistaken. How can we be the pioneers if not the followers? I say create your own system as long as that system doesn’t hinder or affect the lives of those around you.

We are living in a terrible age. In an age where one man is equally corrupt like the other. Both of them fail in introspection. Instead they mock and induce others to the lowest degree of a human form. How often do we judge others and forget our own sins or blunders? The answer is always in our head and it never quite leaves us but we wish to ignore it all the more.I want to be open about my reality and my thinking about the world. I refuse to change the world but I wish to change only myself. The truth as pungent as it may be is after all the epitome of our existence. With all the loot and plundering in the world out there, I wish to remain sane till it’s time for me to say goodbye!

They Parted

He provoked her:

She’s lost in a happy nightmare

Where all dreams come true

He’s everything she ever wanted

And everything that ever haunted

She’s confused and restless

Ecstatic and anxious

Thinking yes and saying no

All she can see is dirty sunshine

And she’s not sorry

But she can’t stop apologizing

Though she made a promise

When she finally told the truth

But she lied enough

She sits waiting

Worried about what will really happen

Because she looked when she wasn’t supposed to

Her feelings bleed out of the songs

That’s why she doesn’t sing anymore

 

Infuriated, she replied:

He sits and he mocks

He delivers without results

Permanency scares him and change outcasts

A space is all he asks for

Shuts out those who love…

Can’t make up his mind

A torpedo of thoughts circle around

He claimed he needed her

But now he’s not so sure

Wants to get out from the circle of doubt

Scared of the consequences once pronounced

A mirage of uncertainty follows them both

They can’t seem to be happy

With each other’s smile anymore

No conclusions can be fore casted

No faces can be read

He believes the truth but averts from it all the more

Her songs seem empty and tortures his soul

He can’t take her for granted yet can’t wait to let go

He tried to pacify,

The sleepless nights are her best

Her mind races so fast but will never win

She’s too lazy but she’s off the wall

She’s unchained but caged in

She’s waited so long for this moment

And can’t wait for it to be over

Her feelings run so deep they soon become shallow

She’s lost inside but knows her way

She will be found but tries to hide

She will give in without a fight

She uses the “L” word without knowing the meaning

Soon she’ll understand

 

By then she had made up her mind,

In that distant light

Where the two lovers used to meet

Shines nothing but dust and pity

They couldn’t embrace in the moment of woe

And now they feel helpless…

He blames her and she blames him

And in this weather of doubt and shame

This time there is no hope involved

The word once spoken has gotten him to hate

She searches for sanity and he does for a peace of mind

Together they could have climbed any mountain

Alone they will barely survive

But that flicker of light has lost its will to survive

They both can’t hold the torch forever

She wishes for him to listen and know

But he is happy in his own darkness.

The Lover

Deep in the depths of the mighty ocean rested the pearl I always wanted. I searched for a man who could prove his worth but none seemed eager enough. Finally found the man who claimed to be the knight of my dreams. I sent the fool deep into the ocean. I kept on hailing at him to get it for me.

“Get it from the ocean if you wish to prove your love.” I said.

He was perfect as he was not at all reluctant. His claim to love me proved completely true. He dove in the saltiness  so cold and stayed there for a while. He did not come up till the sun went down.

I asked him indecently, “Where would my pearl be; is it in your hand or still in my heart?”

“The pearl that you seek, I could not see and thus I return empty-handed.”

Infuriated, I started strutting away. He said, “Fair maiden, I deserve another chance.”

“Fine, go.” This time I said it, not so dearly. He went down there without looking back. I shrugged because it did not matter to me. The pearl was my life. It was all I desired. My lover was just a pawn. What I had always wanted was deep down the ocean below.

The second time around I did not have to wait long. He, my knight with the rusty armor threw the pearl from the bank and into my lap. I rushed to embrace but he halted me.

“Dare not come near me my love; for succeeding for you, I have failed me”. Saying that, he returned back to the ocean never to return again.

I opened the palm of my shaking hand. Laid there was the pearl he got for me. I had traded one pearl for the other and how I regret thereon.

Unfiltered Thoughts

Not a single day has passed,

Without these unfiltered thoughts.

They silence me and I speak no more,

But the heart knows all but dare not disclose.

I climb one step and fall two down.

Is that what they call retrieval and repent?

Neither wish to understand nor explain!

I was born to die one day at a time…

 

It All Begins the Same

Yesterday was a new beginning:
Sold the soul to the devil inside.
My heart still lies forever aching;
I cry in the glory of shame he plied.

Will the suffering change its course?
Remain cloaked, hidden and unseen
A wave could come and not be coarse
Can the sun ever hide away its sheen?

 

DONE

Time and time again, I ask myself questions,
When will things be any different?
When will they ever be the same?
Unable to decide and beaten by desire
To undo, unwant, change and be identical,
I lie amidst the shattered mirrors,
Thinking deeply and acting through my reflection.
Forced to abandon myself where the sun gleams no more,
I have been trampled upon by you, you and you!.

 

Dedicated to You

Darkness all around;
Shadows conquer the soul.

My life has become a joke,
For all the clowns and dwarfs.

The point is very simple…
Please try to understand,

There must be a reason,
There must be some charm.

You entice me and I happily,
move on your command.

 

They Say

They still say they see you in me,
They say, I love you more now; I agree,

I see my reflection turning into yours,
But just when my memory crawls —

I cry over this mere perplexing thought,
You no longer need me throughout.

I was born to love and care with intensity;
It’s distressing to know you were not my destiny.

 

Death Do Not Part

The devil in my persona lies awake,

Hell bent on destroying and deceiving.

I cry in the nimbus of shame and fear;

For evil thoughts prevail and encompass.

My soul lies disgusted, defeated, deranged.

I whisper in the flood throughout but…

Death seems far and welcomed wide.

One day it will reign the passing shores,

And I will forever refuse to look aside.